reflection diary self

 idk man idk  i havw sooo many mixed feelings life just isnt lifing  hopefully i'll feel better zoon  i frogpt what i wanted to eant about aaiya hya j hos fucking hell my brother needs to start cleanin f in time him getting high all the time  j hos  i could be bettert things could be better if i hafd space

STATUS UPDATE HEALTH: kinda sick ruga lageko cha but bearable probably caused by dry throat last night  light ,khoki SKIN : light acne new but marks are fading and it isnt that significant also hair feels kinda itchy  DIET : ate a sandwich and coffee bihana then dry fruits rice at canteen momo at canteen then rice and mushroom with daal at night also bits of chau chau and kurkure  EDUCATION nepalese econ ko ta last class by sudhir sir hola sir taught about lewis model during class tespachi marketinng  didnt listen in class but chapter 3 maii cha was boring as fuck tbf i need to start sitting first benches ma FITNESS didn't workout because of ruga and also lack of personal space might do some pushups or not INCOME GENERATION just guff gaff tbh didnt really generate any income or even take any initiation for this  ok so this day was okayish tara i played a  lot of mobile legends which was ass i might stop reading light novels as this has started to feel redun...

 today was sorta eventful i went to class  first ma OB thio  there was a test and it was open book i did do what i could but idk if i  did well or not ani tespachi chai there was marketing groupwork thio i did what i could and submitted ani tespachi chai i went to art council eklai  i spent like two or three hours there just admiring the artwork and the various mythologies anii after that  i bought kathmandu post (himalyan times payena) ani  i ate rice with two boiled eggs (tasted absolutely whack imma ngl) aniii hmm what else did i do? j hos then i  didnt get off worked out light  acne has reduced but not completely subsided i think i'll shave also took a shower bihana and cut my nails too didnt stay in touch with miss gf for long aaja becos of sitting in first bench but class was kinda interesting ngl

 okay so today was kinda nice? woke up bihana not too late but not too early came like 5 mins late to sudhir sir ko class  finally arranged something but couldn't do much ani tespachi chai ekchin break bhayo ani  went to koheys and had momo  fucking foodgasm bhanya baato ma bought a himalyan but  didnt find it so couldnt read ani tespachhi chaii  finance class learnt about time value of money stats ma chai  quartile decile and percentile ani  tespachi lefy uni and dropped shritika baato ma anii went back home completed a lot of work tbh ani i tied my hair for the first time people had mixed reactions but it was ok cleaned bathroom  cleaned kitchen arranged classes (couldnt lol) called nisha ma;am  and that;s about it for my day i guess raati chai i ate a lot of junk which cant be good for me but fuck it we ball got offf  also im nutting a little less? maybe i'll cut porn off for some days tbh that seems like the best course of actio...

 i dont remember much about this day tbh i slept pretty late i prpbably got offf i ate pasta and i dropped ayush home i spent the evening doing nothing of significance  just taking up space i wokeup like really really late and felt mid thats it foe this day ni that;s about it i dont remember much about this day  i just vibed around with life didnt do anything of significance anii that;s all that i remmeber tbh raati chai i prepped for class and left  i felt like a mess this day i did read the novel for like 7 hours that day so that explains why i felt like that

 ok so bihana was super high ate bhat and somehing ko tarkari bihana ta pakaudai gaayo deuso  cleaned room and clothes but that's it got off 10 pushu[s didnt read much  didnt read himalyan went to bidhya auntyes had a lot of beer also a lot of interspersed acne can be observed no more bursting just wash face ani that should be enough

 So thiss day was particularly eventful ma boihana 7:20 ma uthey ani rushed to collge maile bihana phone haraye ani that took some time and tei bhayena dhilo bhako ho ani tespachi chai first class chia neplai economics thio aftre than  3 ghanta ko businsess managwement tesapchi] finance class  annuity testati testai  anii tespachi saa bjaanpatan na laphing corn dog ani  keema noodles that's it tbh ani went to pick up cousin tespachi  got hgiigh and wasted  made chicken curry and ate that that'sit didnt work out didnt read partika havent gottten offa ani  4 new pmiples observed

 ok so today was eventful at the very least i changed bed sheets  i ate momo at tashi delek (10/10) ani  ate momo again at shandar at bhaktapur ate ice cream cotton candy flavour ani  that's about it aaba dekhi no more i've had enough also went to bhatbhateni and had juice that; sis all  didnt workout got off x2 read himalyan two pimples observed today

 ok so this day was kinfa nice i had classes early in the morning but i wokeup at like 7:28 i rushed to classwithout eating any breakfast and just said yee also  i  hm first class was Nepalese economics tespachi marketing  jasma test happenedd and i got caught (kinda) anii tespachi chai Organixzational behaviour ani went back home ani read a webnovel for pretty much all day anii raati chai didn;t do any skincare i bought himalyan but didnt read it i called miss gf and i guesss that's about it for this day i didbt get off

 today was goodddd ok so wokeup  first thing i did was cook rice i did skincare and brush i lef for class after making and eating rice ani  i attended marketing class ma'am le test bhannu bhayo ani tespacahi chaii hmm i also ate a bottle of coke omg that might have caused the smol acne  Ob classes didnt attend as finance club ko some event bhako thio  ani saan jaama bahira niskiyo so that's pretty much it for academics tespachi i went outside to meet pri tespachi  i recieved 4 gifts haina 5 gifts from miss gf a letter( pri wrote it) a hoodie cookie cutter egg boiler ani mittens for some reason aaiya i sure hope im not allergic to eggs bahah aniii ok tespachi chaii i ate pizza with her and went to a place to eat chicken cake(was ass) ani i came back home bhat khaye suntala khaye and that's pretty much it for my day ate one fried egg skimmed over himalyan but didnt read it to her worked out very very lightly did 10 pushups  got off that's i  

 mom and dad left for butwal today got a new phone case replaced temper glass camera atena but went to rajkumari didi got mom earphones ani didnt workout a lot didnt get off ate chicken so no boiled eggs hmm ani  man today i did nothing significant i did call miss gf tho completed marketing ko premliminary work pretty much it

 OK SO TODAY WAS FUN WOKE UP LATE CYCLED ALL DAY ALSO PLAYED POOL  FON  ANI  ATE MOMO  TASTED VERY VERY GOOD ANIII CAME BACK HOME DID 1- PUSHUPS DIDNT STUDY AT ALL AAIYA wored out lightly yeah that's ptrtty mcuh it didnt rad himalyan didnt eat two boiled eggs

 didnt do anything sifnifiiicant  day wasted pretty much  imy screentime is off the chart im typing am im watching my girlfriends shower so if my wods are intelligible its' explainable  im smiling like a fool but  huhu i need to work on mysedl aaba i wanna see her irl and i'll do anthing for that eben if it means suffering for the next few months i'll readily suffer

 lmfaooo today was a  fucking mess but i'll take responsibility for it and make things a lot lot better ok so  i mistakelny mismatched the timings for the class and 9:30 ko class lai 11:30 bhandey ani this caused me to ruin my reputation aniii i cancelledf the second class too mail lekhera aaiya anyway aaba i need to fit in 4 makeup classes into my schedule TESPACHI  i got home and ate titaura read himalyan and worked out lightly did littol skincare my skin is very very dry aaiya lemme moisturuze also ooh aayush came aaja and that;s about ut dai almost caught gettting high also i finished a novel called Disciple cash back system yes im embaressed by myself tooo also i got off and i deleted my tiktok account i hope to never use it again  let it perish 

 one day is enough and i wnat to kill myself had a major acne outbreak but fuck it we ball read tht to her and both myself ate two boiled eggs worked out super light completed lal sir le deko  didnt finish assignment but fuck it we ball  anyway i'll sleep soon and wakeup early tomorrow huhu i wannna die also ooh  anniversary but i couldny even get her a present tara aaba past bhaisakyo  hya anyway i ate 3 brownies aaja do definately too much sugar in my bloodstream got off 

 ok so i feel like im doing something but im not doing enough im doing things but im not doing the right things anyway here's about today so i went to class first class was marketing we learnt about internal factors or internal marketing factors ani i guess peoples something ma stop bhako thio ani tespachi chai  we had stats class we learnt about  median and mode and finding modal class ani tespachi  went to canteenand ate a little bit of momo aryan didnt share ani tespachi back home dropped nicket ani  i didnt read himalyan  worked out but ligth got off called miss gf a little too early anii also our aniversary is tomorrow i feel insufficent also i really need to stop procrastinating anyway  i guess that;s aboyt it for my day also my friends invited me out to watch a movie but i didnt go also lal sir le malai 100 rs balance halduinu bhako thio

 ok so  aaja was fairly decent i woke up pretty late nai tbh ani  went to class first class chai marketing we learnt upto marketing mix and marketing process and ma'am assigned eauta groupwork ani break didnt eat anything lmao ani  Organizational behaviour ko class thio  i just did nothing as we had work we had to learn about hawthorne experiment ho ki k ho ani tespachi i stayed a while college ma  ani tespachi chai  went to bikalpa art cafe with samyukta  ani that's about it for my day tbh anyway that's about it  read himalyan ani  ate two boiled eggs  worked out bought facewash too lesgoo that it

today was very mid i wokeup late ani  ok fortst class financial mamagement learnt about time value of money and present value ra future valueko questions haaru garyo sold book to a bahini  seren srcond c;ass statstiscs bargraph histogram  and OGIVE chart went to tin and ate aaja maile k k  3aloo chop one coke 8 pieoces of momo syawale a little bit of sausage halka juice ani tespachi i went to kalanki to look for wholesellers tara amile pyena tespach halka long route liye ani like ma ghar fakiye i also deleted all games from my phhone becaose i wanted to be [rodutive tara ma aaja khasai productive babhayena ani  bhat khayae tespachi bistara ma basera kaam gardai chu ok newsppaer no worked out halka boiled eggs khayena ani facewash lyauna baaki cha  

 ok so i dont really remember much about what happened at this day but days have once again sarted to move like flowing water i dont feel myself and i dont feel whole.  I feel like a dry husk of a person dry and emoty anyway didnt read himalyan didnt do skincare as i ran out of facewash hmm i didnt do tbh i didnt do a lot i need to wask my face bholi at all costs and without any delay hmm ok also i tried to make the routine but procrastinated all day  i also played games a lot on this day

ok so today was mid  didnt really do much  ok yeah  went to met anuppam and suyog  man the sooner i get rid of the work the better cause tf yesari ta bhayena huhu anyway  i dont remember much of this day taara stupa ma gaayo ani drank tea??  i spent like 400 in total including fuel ko expenses i guess also patrika too but didnt read since i was too tired and didnt have the time either

 just like every other brick in the wall why is it more important for me to fit in?? cant i just be me and stand out why so many unnecessary formalities huhu anway so aaja chai there were three classes  suruu ma economics sir just taught about the history and how development economics came to be and all khalko  nothing that important tespachi chai we had business management which was fun but also not as it was three fucking hours long  i just wrote date hola notes ma ta i should look at the slides hauu next time baata third but not lwastchai financial managememnt thio  which was fun but not all that much too hmm lets see i dont really remember much tara just basics matra padhayo ok so didnt read himalyan didnt workout ate a lot of junk didnt get off either tho evening ma chai i got high  was fun but cant say if it was worth it or not

 anyway today wasnt really that productive i dodnt do anything that signifiacnt also avoided rachna maam because i wanted today to be a holiday also ooh i didnt read himalyan  worked out light hmm spent money on games for the first time aaiya not proud of ut but spent like 135 trying to spend money huh] anyway  tiday was not that eventful but fun annyway i dont really haave a good image for today byt

 ok so today was kinda a lot to process bihanai chai economics classes didnt learn a lot tbh budo boleko bolei garyo and  i couldnt decide upon shit  second class chai marketing i'll learn notetaking from divya fr  i need to get better at writing and why not use it as a refrence to get better it wonr be done within a day but i'll probably see some changes within a week anyway third class chai stats was boring as fuck suru ma stem and leaf ani tespachi chai tyo typesof series and all not very fun but foundational ho so expected tbh having a refrence material would make things easier ok after that  went for PPLthing and kept laptop teta got called by binayak sir  tespachi chai hmm  went for ppl thing did meeting minutes idk tyo submit kaile garney ho but meh ani that's about it aaba chai hmm came back home and dropped a bahini home (i forgot her name again) tespachi bought himalyan and got back home played a lot of games hya i'll delete them since there'...

 Read Himalayan. Didn't wkrkout  Did play a lot of games  Hmm  Slept late  Also dherai guff Hanna thaley  I ate a lot of titaura and sweet lapsi too aaiya Mero tooth really do be sweet  Ani ok I didn't really geta lot of time to talk to miss gf  That's pretty much it  Lalu sir called for meeting tomorrow Yeah pretty much it 

 Idk man today was Soo  J. Hos weird  Became the CR and still am  Feel super tired  Didn't read Himalayan Idk man idk  Huhu  Also I feel tired  Ani Kusom faculty are ass  Fucking ass  Didn't wkrkout properly  Atw one fried egg and one boiled 

 ok so this day was kinda eventful tbh  i read himalyan but mesenger glitched so i coulsdnt read it out to her worked out lightly got offf twice and my dick feel kinda sore signs of friction burns there aaiya i really need to be more gentle with myself ok so  i bought new goldsttar  shoes went to dipin and had teta ko chiya aksi added fuel to scooter like 500ish  ani that;s about it also ate a weird combindation of oats and cheese and it tasted fgood

 i speak of would be as if i have them in the now lmfao ok read himalyan ate boiled eggs showered shaved dick and balls and moisturized ooh i should do it for the night too qnd just get ready to sleep worked out light  i feel good about myself tbh i did a little bit of research and  read a little of the book  i wanted to read i feel nice tbh this was a good day i stayed athome all day ate a samosatoo  was good ngl

 ok so aaja red himalyan at college but didnt to miss gf didnt workut but did 10 pushups played mobile legends a lot tbh (deleted) also i scroll through my socials a lot?  it feels like a massive waste of time ngl but at times it also helps me(not really) should i delete my socials> or like install them once in a while only> sir ko public policy lab thing ko laagi volunteering aaiya anyway went to kotheys and ate momo hehe (10/10 ) was almost full tbh  ani went to bbsm and bought nothing aaiya aniii came back home ani ate a lot lot of deep fried food  ani ate roti tarkari ani called it a day also got off 

 aaja was khai k khai k got off  read himalyan  ate two boiled eggs didnt do anything significant went to genisis cafe ani also met suyog and anupam my stomach hurts and i dont like myself didnt workout but did 10 pushups overall terrible state of mind i need discipline man esari bhayena i'll workon myself and also on all the things i want and need im not getting anywhere at this rate i need to jumpstart things and just FUCKING WORK also didnt wash my face because i didn't want to bother my mother wilde yaar mero typing

 man this is so not how i want my life to do down i want it to be like a lot lot lot better i wonder how i can cultivate the discipli to preserce throiugha ;; of thos and become who i want to be  j ho nothing is changing iunless i want it toi change soo hmm woke up pretty late ani ate did a lot of other tihngs ani READ HIMALYAN FILLED SELF DV aaba idk man im gonna need an action plan natra shit aint working out for me i can tolerate it but ion know how long i can tolerate it for  huhuh let's see aaba whatever happens happens i'll deal withthings as they come but im starting aaba no more excvuses im starting NOW FUCK YHID SHIT

 ok so i didnt do a lot but i got off i didnt read the news i didnt workout and i didnt eat any boilegd eggs do i feel terrible? yes but fuck it we ball