day 107: a new dawn

 didnt really study anything 

Diet

ate around 3 pedas today

had banana ko tarkari ko achar

worked out lightly but not too lightly

ate two fried eggs and fried rice

didnt do anything productive despite me wanting to

i think i shoujld stop feeling sorry for myself

this is just 

self 

defeating

idk mman

how am i supposed to have the energy for all this 

im haunted by ambition and i fear of my inaction

im also insecure about how i look

i feel

like \

cocooning

im scared of the light

im afraid to be seen

im a house of cards

 i am but a lie

a lie built on a web of other lies

unable to extricate myself from this identity i've created for myself

i am haunted by myself

that voice in my head with seemingly no end to it's lack of shame

perhaps it isnt human

or maybe it is

i am an observer in my own life

as soon as i encounter any adversity

i let my unconscious self take over

i don't consciously act till the last possible moment 

my unconscious self has the control 

my conscious self just cleans up it's mess

i cant at this rate

amount to a thousandth of what i want to become

perhaps this is a farewell

maybe one that'll last for a moment 

or a lifetime

a revalation doesnt come again and again

i need to be resolute