day 399: minor mistakes come to bite you back

 “You see, I wanted to try and understand emotion better subconsciously, it seems. Comprehend them somehow. I had some encounters that gnawed at me, made me reconsider certain things. Evolution through the system is exactly as described. It allows one to get closer to the perfection that is divinity. But perfection is subjective, so one of the things it does is change the one evolving according to their own deep wishes. Mine appeared to be to comprehend these emotions better, so… here I am.”

“That is… so you are… better?” she asked, very much doubting her own words.

“Oh no, far from it. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t believe there was ever anything to fix - just ways to improve myself. I don’t need emotions, but I recognize the value in many of them. Empathy, as an example, is quite a dual-edged sword. On the one hand, it can help you better read people, but on the other hand, it can make you less efficient in killing. I want to learn to control it,” he said.

   HEALTH 

mentally chai cucked through the latter half of the day

physically chai my body aches lmfao 

I think it's Hijo ko workout combined with the lack of actual rest ?

I have been responsible for things that are minor and have stacked up to take a toll on myself

im not sarong that what I'm doing as of now is great in magnitude

heck I cant even bring myself to watch a complete movie without distraction 

I guess some things do need to change after all

to have things taken from me might feel bad from a stand point of my ego but it isn't all that bad afterall

but I need to learn how to communicate effectively 

in a way that will in fact allow me to get my facts and figures right lmfao

and not make me unable to defend myself when I am not to blame 

SKIN

hadn't taken proper care of it

DIET

ate half a boiled egg

did nothing that significant in particular testo bhannu parne ta

STREAKS

got off and not proud of it

I think I need to learn to be more disciplined and more true to myself 

EDUCATION

I didnt learn shit ngl 

I spent a lot lot of time on instagram and Tiktok and videogames

all of this has just reinforced the notion that they're just insanely counterproductive lol

 PHYSiQUE

will workout defo aafu le sakkeko jaati

INCOME GENERATION 

I didnt do much on this aspect sacchi bhannu parda ta

PLACWS I WENT TO

didnt leave the house other than for groceries lmao 

khasai kei kaam bhannu parne chai k k garey bhanda chai

I dont think it was the work that made me feel exhausted lmao

it was the guilt

guilt consumes me

people really dont have to punish me

I lose my own appetite 

I punish myself 

I need to change that 

I can't keep on going like this

with some plan that isn't even laid out properly lmfao

LESSONS LEARNT 

also I think I talk a little too loudly when agitated 

like there Is no medium tone of voice 

I either sound exhausted or I sound loud wtf

I dont really know how to talk in a tone that is "normal" at this point